URGENT: Spammer still has zero hookers and zero cocaine BREAKING: Yet another failed attempt to breach MXroute SAD: Spammer's mom still disappointed in him UPDATE: IP banned for the 847th time this month URGENT: Spammer still has zero hookers and zero cocaine BREAKING: Yet another failed attempt to breach MXroute SAD: Spammer's mom still disappointed in him UPDATE: IP banned for the 847th time this month
A Cause Worth Ignoring
🤡

Help The MXroute Spammer
Experience Life's Pleasures

For months, this poor soul has dedicated countless hours trying to breach our network. Tragically, he has never known the touch of another human or the sweet embrace of illicit substances. Together, we can change that. Or not. We really don't care.

$0.00 raised of $10,000 goal

0 donors • 0 days left • Nobody cares

Stretch Goals

🍾
$500
One (1) cheap beer so he can cry about his failures in style
💋
$2,500
A Tinder Gold subscription (matches not guaranteed, personality still terrible)
🎂
$5,000
One hour with a professional who will pretend to be impressed by his "hacking skills"
🧑
$10,000
Enough cocaine to briefly forget that he'll never get into MXroute

His Story

Every day, our spammer wakes up in his mother's basement, surrounded by empty energy drink cans and the faint glow of multiple monitors. He stretches his pale, vitamin-D-deficient arms and thinks: "Today is the day I finally get into MXroute."

Spoiler alert: It's never the day.

"I've tried everything - brute force, phishing, begging, crying. Nothing works. Maybe if I had a hooker and some cocaine, I'd feel better about my complete and utter failure."

— The Spammer, probably

Despite hundreds of attempts, thousands of blocked IPs, and an embarrassing amount of time wasted, our spammer persists. His dedication to failure is, frankly, inspiring. That's why we're launching this campaign to help him find meaning in life outside of his futile attacks on our infrastructure.

Will you help? (Please don't, he needs to learn a lesson.)

847+
IPs Banned This Month
0
Successful Breaches Ever
100%
Failure Rate
∞
Level of Patheticness